The second date is determined by the first.

Getting a first date may seem to be relatively easy. Getting a second is a different matter all together.

Whether face-to-face or on-line, most first dates are based on first impressions. You introduce yourself, build rapport, get her number and call later to make the date.

Based on that exchange there is not much at stake and if you made the right impression you have a high chance of getting a date when you call her.

Once you commit to the call, things get a little bit more involved. Now there is a lot of personal stuff at stake. Your self image (Am I attractive to her?) Your confidence (will she reject me?) Your self-esteem (Will I cope if she does reject me?) And then there’s how you will react to her. Your attraction to her (will you like her?) your assertiveness (will I walk away with dignity if I don’t)

You want a positive outcome that leads to more dates or a dignified exit if you don’t.

So, lets say that initially everything is fine. You didn’t blow it in making the right impression. You came across as safe, and interesting and you piqued her curiosity enough for her to be open to the possibility of going out with you.

You make the call and this is where you need to start setting things up for the Second date. Yes, that’s right, the second date, because if you blow it at the beginning there will be no second date.

Slow and easy is the catch phrase here. All you want is a get together to see how things develop. You have the first date in mind but you are NOT setting up the first date. This call is to set up a ‘Time Limited Coffee Date’. Kind of like setting up an interview to determine whether it’s worth your while to set up a first date.

OK, the ‘coffee date’ plays out fine, you hit it off and you’d like to see more of her.

This where you set up the first date and how you handle that, will set you up for a second date.

Again, slow and easy is the key. Stay in control, and stay dominant by leading. Be assertive in your actions, Don’t ask for a date, instead suggest that it may be fun to get together and get to know more about each other. Suggest that you know a place that you believe she would like.

You are now on your first date and if you want another with her you have to continue to be in control and be assertive in your actions.


Do NOT think about how to set up the next date. Stay focused on this one. Be present 100%. Enjoy yourself without any expectations other than having a good time with her during your date.


Mind your manners, be attentive, be calm, be positive, be straight, be honest, be charming, be COOL!

Don’t swear, don’t even glance at other women, don’t check out her boobs, don’t talk bad about your EX, don’t talk bad about your work or the people you work with. (there are many more do’s and don’t but these are the main ones for now)

Keep the conversation about her and about you. Reveal a bit about yourself and then ask her about her.

Make this date enjoyable, make it about her having a good time with you and a second date will be yours for the asking. (but again, don’t ask for it, suggest another thing/place you’d like her to experience with you)

Sounds easy and you’d think men would know all this by now, but the sad truth is that most men don’t. We knew bits of it when we were younger and it was enough to get us married, but after many years of not having to try, we lost it. The good news is that we can re-learn it and we can get even better.

The Apprentice Bachelor is a six week on-line program that covers the how’s, the do’s and the don’ts on how to become a better bachelor. It is designed specifically for mature divorced men who were married long enough to forget the social skills needed to be single and a successful bachelor.

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