5 tips to be better at being single after divorce

It’s natural that after being married for ten, twenty, or more years, men and women develop ways of being, habits, rules for getting through the week, month, years.

These habits and rules are the coping mechanisms that get them through constant and predictable activities of living together and raising a family.

It needs to be so for the relationship to go the distance. it’s a way to cope with living with someone 24/7.

There are many marriages that survive and even thrive in such an environment and then, as divorce statistics prove there are just as many that don’t.

Our Six core needs as humans are Certainty, Variety, and Significance, Connection, Growth, and Contribution. All these are core needs and we all strive to have them satisfied. They are not in specific order, as the importance of any, in particular, varies at different stages of our lives.

Marriages depend on the core needs of the couple to be met in order to survive and flourish. How well we do that determines how well the relationship functions and how long it lasts.

When we were young and setting out in life we needed to explore, learn, and experience life and so Variety, Connection and Growth were the dominant needs to satisfy.

When we formed relationships to create our own families other needs became more dominant. Certainty, Contribution, and Significance needed to be met in order for the relationship to function and thrive.

Relationships are a huge commitment and emotional investment and they require our need for Certainty to be met 100%. That’s why marriage ceremonies and marriage certificates are so important to any relationship whether it be straight or gay. These ceremonies formalize commitment and secure certainty.

We need to be certain that our partners will provide and protect and that they will be nurtured, raised and educated. That’s why Certainty becomes such an important part of married life.

Providing for, raising children and running a family is a massive commitment that comes with a heavy workload. In a time when both partners in the relationships work to provide for the family, that workload often gets disproportionately placed on the woman in the relationship. This is when the need for Contribution and Significance starts crying out to be met.

To cope with the workload and to meet our needs and our partners needs we develop routines, we create rules, and develop habits that streamline the process of being in a relationship and raising a family.

By the time the children grow up and leave home the routines, rules and habits have become entrenched and with Certainty well satisfied, married life can become boring. Now the need for Variety and Significance increase dramatically and we start looking for ways to meet them. But here’s the kicker, our routines have become so familiar to us, so entrenched in the relationship that they are difficult to alter. That’s why men and women become susceptible when these needs can be met outside of the relationship. The result almost always leads to the breakup of the relationship.

After divorce, many men and women find it difficult to fit into the singles scene because the routines, rules, and habits of marriage and of living a certain way for so long are not compatible with a singles lifestyle.

Too many men turn up on dates behaving as husbands and too many women as wives. Neither wants either and the date goes sour.

In order to change this, choices must be made. Here are my top five crucial changes divorced men and women can make to shake off the husband/wife mindset…

  1. Embrace your singles status. Create a new living environment that reflects your new lifestyle, move if necessary, get a new bed and new linen, get a new car, anything that will reflect your new singles status.
  2. Start exercising regularly to get fit physically and active in living. You need to be in shape to participate. Start walking, dancing, join a gym. Move! Live! Love!
  3. Start dressing to impress. Replace your wardrobe, hire a stylist if you don’t know how to shop, Get your hair done. You never know when the opportunity to impress will come along. Whether it’s an attractive woman/man, a potential new client, the general manager noticing you… you need to stand out.
  4. Learn to read body language. Do you know when she/he is flirting with you and if she/he is, what are you going to do about it?
  5. Meet your Six Core Needs, live in the moment, be present at all times with everyone. Have a go at every opportunity that presents itself.

These decisions pave the way to a singles lifestyle and potential new relationships.

The EX-perienced Bachelor works with divorced men and women on the do’s and the don’ts of navigating the singles scene after divorce.

Programs are designed specifically for mature divorced men and women who:

  • Are divorced after a long term marriage
  • Are too young for carpet bowls and too old for the mosh-pit
  • Can’t stand the loneliness of their present lifestyle
  • Are tired of going out and coming home alone
  • Want to have the social skills to set up a new long-term relationship
  • Want to be able to choose their own companions instead of those set up by friends and family.

Take the first step by booking a [ free 40 minute clarity conversation  ] that will get you clear on whether this is right for you. You have nothing to lose except the frustration you may feel right now.

Book it here > free 40 minute clarity conversation

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